Late night thoughts...

I said that when I started this blog - I would try to write my every thought no matter good/bad/boring. Tonight I have so much on my mind. Everyone knows I am planning a wedding. Everyone knows that I am so happy and crazy in love with my best friend, Billy. No one knows the thoughts behind the smiles that I am giving. I am going to be walking down an aisle without my dad to walk me. I told him when I was little to stop smoking so he could walk me down the aisle at my wedding. He stopped...but he still isn't here. He gave that up to be with us longer and he is still gone. I pray everyday and talk to him but it what I wouldn't give to have him just one more day.
I won't have my mom there. My sister won't be there. Some of family will be missing. I won't get into the details. Even when someone hurts you, as deep as I have been hurt, it is still not the picture that I ever dreamt of. Why is life so hard and difficult? Why do you search for approval from someone knowing that you will never receive it?
Aside from that - me and Billy are trying to decide which path to begin taking together after May. Some choices will lead us far from home. Some will be risky but heartfelt. Some are safer than others. But do you only pick what is safe?
I am don't want to overshadow all that is good in my life with these thoughts. I am such a lucky girl. While I may not have some of my family - the other family in my life is amazing. They are unbending in their love. I am proud of where I have come from. I was the product of all of those in my life. I wasn't raised by two parents. I have many other mothers & sisters that have taken me under their wings. I am who I am because of all the influences that have been around me.
I guess I have a lot that I have been reflecting on tonight. We went to Jonesboro for my first wedding shower. It was hosted by my Matron of Honor - Sarah Davis. All of my Jonesboro Regions family was there. I miss them so much. It was so great to see them all. So great. Jonesboro was the town that led me into adulthood. It was all mine. My decision to move and get a degree there. I made friends there. I had the time of my life there. Hard to leave it behind. It was great to go back. We had alot of fun.
I should go to bed - these are my thoughts. I am going to hit publish before I chicken out! Thanks for those of you that read my boring thoughts :)

Did I forget again!?

I think I keep forgetting that I have a blog.
Ok, so before I forget -- if you want a sneak peek at the dress--
It is a Maggie Sottero gown. She names them all and mine is named Valerie. I would put the link here....but not taking any chances for Billy to see the dress. Who knew I would get to wear a designer wedding gown?! Yay for Lows! My shoes even have a name - they are named Sharmaine. ha - kinda fun :)
I don't have much to blog about but they say to write it down anyways. Since I only have 3 followers - I think its ok. hee hee
So I always seem to blog about food. I can't help it. The other night we had the best dinner! So simple. We had chicken on the George Foreman. My seasoning of choice is Kick'n Chick'n. I highly recommend it. We had a tortellini salad and rolls. Then I made chocolate chip cookies and Billy made Lemon Meltaways. His cookies were WAYYYY better than mine. Way to go Billy! He loved baking. I am such a lucky gal...he lets me be the main cook but if I ever don't feel like it...no worry. He can cook and bake!
Well - I can't keep blogging. Its just too pretty outside!